Monday, January 11, 2010

Preview of 2010 in Cinema

Okay, since I have yet to visit the Cinema this year, I thought it would be a good time to Preview 2010 in Film.
My mind is fresh, my opinions unfounded – here’s what I think the next 253 Days are going to be like on the Big Screen;

Daybreakers – I can’t imagine this film is going to be any sort of a Classic, but it might just have enough style to make it’s way onto my burgeoning Blu-ray collection.

The Road – I’d hate to meet Viggo Mortensen in real life, but I do love to watch him act!

The Book of Eli – While I am not a huge Denzel fan, I do love the Post-apocalypse. Shaft meets Mad Max with Gary “The Greatest Living Actor” Oldman as the villain – can’t miss it.

Legion – I don’t doubt I’ll see it, but I know it’s going to annoy me. If you’re God, why send an army of CGI to kill the Human Race. Just “Will” it! It doesn’t make for a very good film, I’ll admit, but it saves me a Logic Headache.

Edge of Darkness – I’ll probably wait for this one of DVD, but still – Mel Gibson is a great movie star.

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief – I won’t see this film, though I fear many of my pupils will. Suffice to say, Chris Columbus has not made a decent film since Home Alone.

The Wolfman – Should be the Mummy for the Teens (and hopefully, not the Mummy Returns for the teens)

Shutter Island – I like Leo more the older he gets. The trailers for this look really intriguing, and Martin Scorsese makes okay films, doesn’t he?

Cop Out – Title changed from a Couple of Dicks by a Couple of Dicks. I love Kevin Smith, but his films are... changeable. Haven’t seen Zack and Miri, but I adored Clerks II with a religious fervour, so I’m staying hopeful for this one.

Alice in Wonderland – OI! BURTON! STOP CASTING YOUR WIFE AND YOUR MATE!!!

Green Zone – Can’t miss the next film from the guys who brought us the best sequels in Action Movie history.

Hot Tub Time Machine – Need I say more?

Season of the Witch – Because I find Nicolas Cage’s performances like the shapes in a Lava Lamp. I can’t quite make out what they’re meant to be, but I know they mean something.

Clash of the Titans – I love the original, despite its flaws, so can’t not see this. Script sounds bobbins, but the effects look good.

How to Train Your Dragon – Before the trailer, I couldn’t have cared less about this. After the trailer, it’s one of my must see Animated films of the year.

Kick-Ass – I can’t write long paragraphs, but I can kick your ass!

Machete – The Trailer was better than some films, so this film should be good. Plus, Danny Trejo is one of the only movie stars I believe could actually kill a guy without breaking a sweat.

Iron Man 2 – Who won’t see this next year?

Robin Hood – I love Ridley Scott in all his forms, and while I can’t see this becoming the Generation Defining Robin Hood film (that still belongs to the Two Kevs), I’m sure it will be much more than just “Gladiator II”. Plus, Robin Hood with an authentic Nottingham accent? That’s got to be a first!

Shrek Forever After – I didn’t hate Shrek The Third. The least I can do is watch this one.

The A-Team – I pity the fool who doesn’t want to watch this film. It’s gonna be shit, but it’s gonna be so much fun!

The Karate Kid – another film that seemed like a terrible idea, but the trailer implants a glimmer of hope into me. Will Smith’s kid could kick my ass!

Toy Story 3 – Will it be a Return of the King, or a Godfather Part 3? Only time will tell.

Inception – Because I’d watch Chris Nolan sit on the loo and take a shit for two hours if they released it. The man hasn’t made a bad film yet.

The Expendables – I don’t want to see this, but my Testicles insist.

Let Me In – Shouldn’t have been renamed, but might just be worth seeing.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – I don’t agree with splitting the damned thing in two, but this is kind of a watered down Revenge of the Sith (not in terms of Quality ,but certainly in terms of build-up)

Burlesque – Christina Aguilera as a Burlesque dancer. I’m sure the mise-en-scene will be excellent.

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – My favourite Narnia book, without Disney but with Michael Apted (y’know, a proper Director) the rest of the series stands or falls based on this Film.

Tron Legacy – Because I liked Tron and I like new things.

Conan – Should be made by the entire team behind The Expendables.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World – I loved the Comics, and Edgar Wright knows both funny, and good film making.


Just to be clear, I do watch low key films too, and I love them, I just don't like spending twenty quid (when you take petrol and snacks into account) to see them. I prefer to wait for DVD or Telly.

The Adventures of Findo Gask II - Trailer

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

My Film Review of the Decade

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and doing a 'review of the decade in Cinema'. I'm going to try and be quick about it though - I'm only taking about films that have influenced me in some way, not every film I've seen, and I'm going to try and do each film with one sentence or less. Also, it's in Chronological Order. So, here goes - I hope you enjoy;

Pitch Black - A brilliant little sci-fi thriller, expertly crafted and brilliantly engaging. Shame about the sequel.
High Fidelity - The Best Romantic Comedy of the Decade, and one of the best films overall. Not bad to hold that title in my head from the second month of the decade!
Gladiator - Not flawless, but certainly one of the greatest cinematic triumphs of the decade. Many historical epics followed - none matched this one.
Shanghai Noon - Jackie Chan's last good movie.
X-Men - The 'Doom' of Comic Book Movies - not the first, but certainly the most influential.
Almost Famous - Phillip Seymour Hoffman in a cameo that makes me actively hunt down his films from now on.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Chow Yun Fat displaying why he, not Liam Neeson, should have been Qui-gon Jinn
O Brother, Where Art Thou - Great movie, better soundtrack.

Super Troopers - a nearly flawless, unapologetic comedy. The lack of a decent follow up points to this being a fluke.
Enemy at the Gates - War is hell, unless you're Jude Law and Rachel Weisz is your girlfriend.
A Knights Tale - Heath Ledger proving he isn't a talentless himbo.
Shrek - If you haven't seen this, you've been in a coma.
Moulin Rouge - Not a good film, but I was watching it when the Twin Towers got hit. The fact that this did as well as it did was slightly less tragic than the Towers.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - Endlessly quotable (which, given the amount of swearing, often gets me thrown out of restaurants).
The Royal Tenenbaums - Gene Hackman in one of the most complex, funny and moving performances of the decade.
The Fellowship of the Rings - Changed the shape of Cinema...

Attack of the Clones - Better than TPM, in hindsight, it's not that good, but I've never wanted to be anything as much as I want to be a Jedi in this movie.
The Bourne Identity - The Best action film of the year, the best action franchise of the decade. Probably.
Minority Report - Spielberg's release in a Star Wars Year is better than AOTC, but not a patch on Blade Runner.
The Four Feathers - Haven't seen it, but walked past the set in Greenwich every day on my way to Drama school for about four months.
The 51st State - The First film I ever watched in the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square. Good film, great venue. Also, Stephen seemed to like it.
The Ring - Shit myself.
The Two Towers - Didn't change the shape of cinema, but still an amazing Second Chapter. Extremists in America wanted the name changed to lessen offense to victims of the World Trade Centre. As a huge Elvis fan, I wanted the same done to Return of the King... Neither happened.

The Matrix Reloaded - This should have been so good...
The Hulk - The Best Hulk film of the decade.
28 Days Later - Third Best Zombie film of the Decade, best horror film of the decade.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - A New Wonderful franchise... unfortunately not. The rest of the series couldn't live up to the brilliance of this film. A Raiders for the Noughties (high praise indeed).
Lost in Translation - Sofia Coppola can kiss my rust bullethole. Pretentious, overlong, boring shit. You can mock Cameron Diaz all you like, at least she has good films on her C.V.
School of Rock - More of a role-model to me as a teacher than any real life teacher I ever had.
Kill Bill (1&2) - Just an epic cinema experience.
The Matrix Revolutions - So much good film, so little good script.
Love Actually - Proof that a director has enough influence over a film to be credited with it's success. All Richard Curtis' films which he didn't direct were quite good.
Bad Santa - Good Film.
Big Fish - The First film that made me cry since Forrest Gump. Bravo, Billy Crudup.
The Return of the King - The Second Film to make me Cry since Forrest Gump ("My Friends, you kneel for no-one..." if that doesn't bring a lump to your throat then you have no soul.)

The Passion - The Most Religious Snuff Film ever.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Charlie Kauffman can have my babies. So can Kate Winslet.
Hellboy - Hell yeah!
Van Helsing - Batman and Robin... you are forgiven.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban - The Film that made me read the books.
Napoleon Dynamite - Not as good as I thought it was going to be, but I still like the ending.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - Endlessly quotable, the best thing that Judd Apatapatapatapow has ever done. I love lamp.
Hero - Wonderfully directed fight scenes (bit of a ropy story though)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow - A classic case of the idea being better than the product. The short film that preceded it is flawless. The final film, less so.
Shaun of the Dead - The Best Zombie Film of the Decade, and certainly one of the best comedies. This is the Best antidote for a world where there will never be a Spaced movie!
Team America: World Police - Not as good as South Park: B,L & U (1999) which is the best comedy of all time, this is still pretty awesome. Best puppet movie ever, certainly.
The Incredibles - Best Watchmen adaptation of the decade.
The Phantom of the Opera - Batman and Robin may be forgiven, but the shitstain Schumacher certainly isn't. Since when in the Phantom supposed to be sexy?

Constantine - Surprisingly good. I'd quite like to have his job.
Sin City - Coolest film of the decade. Welcome back, Mickey Rourke!
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Second Biggest disappointment of the decade. I wish they'd let me script this...
Crash - A brilliant film. Still haven't seen Brokeback Malcolm, but I think this definitely deserved an oscar or two.
Kingdom of Heaven - Not a patch on Gladiator, but still the second best Historical Epic of the Decade.
Revenge of the Sith - In hindsight, not a great movie. But, sat in the Odeon Leicester Square, booked a day of work, took Stephen with me, the lights went dim, a blue title card "A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away..." Closest thing to seeing God.
Batman Begins - Best Comic book movie of the Decade (possibly)
Serenity - Liked this film so much, I watched Firefly, Buffy and Angel, series' I had hitherto avoided like the plague.
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-rabbit - They couldn't take that genius and expand it into a feature could they? They certainly could!
King Kong - Best. Remake. Ever.
The Matador - Surprisingly good indie about a hitman in an existential quandry. Pierce Brosnan can act!

V for Vendetta - Not a patch on the book, but the best Alan Moore adaptation. Also, a good film in its own right.
The Da Vinci Code - Hated the book. Was told to watch the film. Hated the film.
X-Men: The Last Stand - Why couldn't they wait for Bryan Singer to be available!?
Superman Returns - Ah, actually, maybe hiring Brett Ratner wasn't such a bad idea.
Clerks II - How can a film involving a-2-m, Donkey Sex and piss-cola be so heartwarming? Brilliant Film.
World Trade Centre - Slightly less tragic than Moulin Rouge being a box office success.
Snakes on a Plane - haven't seen it, but I love that the Hollywood suits piled money into it after the Internet Meme's and then it tanked at the box office. Lolz.
The Black Dahlia - Possibly the worst movie ever, but can it be classified as a movie? I'd rather sit for two hours and look at photo's of the real crime.
The Prestige - Is there nothing Chris Nolan can't do? Batman vs. Wolverine!!!
Happy Feet - I Love Penguins Now!!
The Pick of Destiny - SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER!!!
Rocky Balboa - Welcome Back Sly!

300 - Best Trailer of the Decade... Film was still good though.
Live Free or Die Hard - Best title of the decade... but we got Die Hard 4.0 - Why? We knew what a Philosophers stone was, we could have bloody worked out what Live Free or Die Hard meant!
Ratatouille - Pixar have yet to make a duff film. (Even Cars was okay)
Sunshine - The First of the Decade's really good Sci-fi films.
The Simpsons Movie - They were going to make this ten years ago... when all the good writers still worked on the Simpsons... you can see where I'm going with this...
Shoot-em-up - This film is fucking nuts. He kills a guy with a Carrot, shags Monica Bellucci while having a gunfight, and sticks his hand in a fire to shoot bullet when his fingers are broken.
The Darjeeling Limited - I don't know whether I just got wrapped up in this, or whether it really did affect me, but I left this film feeling like I wanted to be enlightened, existentially.
The Mist - Shit myself. Welcome Back, Frank Darabont!
I Am Legend - Daytime: Excellent movie. Night time: Shitty zombie pish.
There Will Be Blood - It. Drank. My. MILKSHAKE!!!

Cloverfield - Shit myself. Glad my trip to New York didn't turn out like this.
Rambo - Welcome Back Sly's sense of Mayhem and Destruction!
Be Kind Rewind - Okay film, wonderful concept. I love watching Sweded movies.
Run Fatboy Run - Great British Comedy.
Iron Man - Welcome Back RDJ
The Fall - Beautifully shot, endlessly moving, imaginative and emotional, clever and exciting. This film is what Film-making is all about.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Harrison Ford brings back the old charm to stop this being the most disappointing movie of the decade. Oi, Lucas, Spielberg, Labouf... NOOOOO!!!
Kung Fu Panda - There is no charge for Awesomeness... Best opening ever? Maybe.
Wall-E - The First Half of this film is flawless, the second half still pretty damned good.
The Incredible Hulk - The Second best Hulk film of the Decade.
The Dark Knight - Possibly the best comic book movie of the decade.
Slumdog Millionnaire - Wonderful Brit-flick and touching fable.
Quantum of Solace - How could I have missed Casino Royale?
Valkyrie - A Scientologist Nazi as a hero... you couldn't make it up.

Coraline - 3D might just have something to it afterall...
Watchmen - The Official Most Disappointing Film of the Decade (and second of all time behind TPM)
Star Trek - The Least Disappointing Film of the Decade.
Terminator Salvation - Not bad... in fact, quite good. I really enjoyed this film, it's strengths far outweighing it's flaws.
Up - Another home run for Pixar.
Moon - Along with Sunshine and District 9, one of the best sci-fi films of the Decade.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Would be the worst film of the Decade, but not sure if it can be classified as a film.
District 9 - see entry for "Moon".
Inglourious Basterds - Not the best film, not even the best Tarantino film of the Decade, but still a really fun way to spend a coupl'a hours.
Zombieland - Second best Zombie film of the decade, second best Zombie Comedy of all time.
Where the Wild Things Are - Wouldn't want to see it again, but it was really touching the first time.
Avatar - Welcome Back Big Jim. Someone said this was made by James "Titanic" Cameron, not James "Aliens" Cameron, but I disagree. I think this was made by James "The Abyss" Cameron. Visually stunning (the most visually stunning film ever made, possibly), well acted (Sam Worthington could be the new Harrison Ford) and masterfully directed. Script is a little clichéd, but still good and Sigourney Weaver is still beautiful. See it in 3D if you can - I don't think 3D is the future, but in the hands of a good director it can be a very engaging tool.


Anyway, there it is. My review of the Decade in Film.
The Ben.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009