Sunday, April 26, 2009

Windows © Vista ® (A Sunday Rant)

I run a risk of ranting about adverts and nothing else, but I can't let this one go. I've just watched a Windows© advert about a young boy photographing the 'land of robots' (Which, by the way, I would love to visit!) but, says the boy, the land of robots is too big, so he takes a bunch of close up pictures and uses Vista to 'stitch' them together. Good idea. Great idea, in fact the possibilities with panoramic photography are staggering! Hot stuff! So this irritating little kid proceeds to stitch his land of robots pictures together into... A picture that he could have taken by taking three steps backwards. So, two things which PISS ME OFF and i'm sure you'll agree.
1) why spend thousands of dollars on such a shitty advert, when there are so many better ways to make this wonderful software seem appealing - fuck it, give me thirty quid and i'll make a better fucking advert.
2) are they trying to sell up software that STOPS US MOVING ALTOGETHER? Actually, that doesn't sound so bad. I'm just going to give Bill Gates a ring...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Volvic Challenge (A Sunday Rant)

I've just watched an advert for volvic, which introduces something called 'the volvic 14 day challenge'. It goes something like this; drink voltic for 14 days and you'll feel marvellous. It then goes on to show some photos of a man doing some regular guy stuff. It ends with him playing baseball and telling all of us slovenly wastrels how great he feels. Now, I know this is just an advert, but even so, WHAT A BUNCH OF PATRONIZING BASTARDS! Now, this guy says he feels great - but he's seen playing baseball with a fairly worn in glove and with people who the connotation suggests are also 'sports guys'. He's clearly a fairly fit fellow! Who are they trying to convince?! Now, if they'd got that 50 Stone guy from Arkansas to drink Volvic for a fortnight, and he ended up representing America at the Olympics - then, I'd drink nothing else!! But the message as it is... Drink water... Try selling me something else, buddy.

B-boys and Gaga Girls (A Sunday Rant)

The world is an interesting place - there are probably a thousand people in each British county who can do what Lady Gaga does - hell, i could probably do it with enough surgery and hair dye, and yet she's rich, successful and is talking about her next ten albums. I've just watched a documentary about 'B-boys', the new 'hip' name for breakdancers - they're virtually illiterate, aggressive, and i'm pretty sure I've seen some of them on America's most wanted list, but they can throw themselves around with the grace and skill of a Soviet gymnast. They can do things that I'd NEVER be able to do, even with surgery, training and a ball-hugging leotard. And yet all they get is a shitty documentary on T4! Sometimes I think there's so much stupidity in the world, I just can't take it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Welcome to the Gospel According to Ben

Hello all,

If you're here then you're either interested, bored or lost. I hope it's one or both of the first two - then maybe you might read on.

Here I will post (via the twin wonder of the Inter-web and also The Mobile Phone) musings, pictures, ranting, ramblings and anything else which I wish to get off my chest to the ether - and if it brings a smile or a nod of understanding, then it will all be worth while.

Please, comment.